1562 Best Humor Quotes

The best way to keep your hands clean is to not touch anything. Or wear gloves. - Jack Handey
Jack Handey Hygiene Extreme Solutions Humor
Southern manners mean holding doors open and tempers closed. – Morgan Wallen
Morgan Wallen Southern Values Character Humor
New month, same weird me.
New Month Humor Self-Acceptance Authenticity
Dear New Month: Please be cooler than the last one. Sincerely, Everyone.
New Month Humor Relatability Pop Culture
Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Absurdity Wordplay
Woman who flies airplane upside down has crack-up. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Puns Aviation
Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Bathroom Humor Wordplay
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Driving Irony
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Drug Reference Wordplay
Man who sink in quicksand will soon reach bottom. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Obviousness Wordplay
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Marriage Irony
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Puns Repetition
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Obviousness Practicality
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Wordplay Consequences
Man who run through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Travel Wordplay
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Bathroom Humor Wordplay
Man who drive like hell bound to get there. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Driving Irony
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Hygiene Wordplay
Woman who keeps switching channels can't find remote control of her life. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Modern Life Decisions
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted, but man who runs in front of car gets tired. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Exercise Absurdity
Man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Wordplay
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Practical Advice Irony
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches cold. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Consequences Wordplay
Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Bathroom Humor Wordplay
Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes soon burns out. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Puns Repetition
Man who runs through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Travel Wordplay
Man who sinks in quicksand will soon reach bottom. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Obviousness Wordplay
Man who cooks hamburger in Buddhist temple violates the sacred and the patty. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Religion Wordplay
Man who runs in front of taxi will be tired. Man who runs behind taxi will be exhausted. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Exercise Absurdity
Man who fights with wife all day gets no piece at night. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Marriage Consequences
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Driving Irony
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Wordplay Bathroom Humor
Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Bathroom Humor Wordplay
Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes soon burns out. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Puns Repetition
Man who runs through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Travel Wordplay
Man who sinks in quicksand will soon reach bottom. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Obviousness Wordplay
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Practical Advice Irony
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Hygiene Wordplay
Woman who keeps switching channels can't find remote control of her life. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Modern Life Decisions
Man who runs behind car gets exhausted, but man who runs in front of car gets tired. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Exercise Absurdity
Man who stands on toilet seat is high on pot. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Wordplay Bathroom Humor
Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Practical Advice Irony
Man who fishes in other man's well often catches cold. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Consequences Wordplay
Man who eats many prunes gets good run for money. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Bathroom Humor Wordplay
Man who tells one too many light bulb jokes soon burns out. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Puns Repetition
Man who runs through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Travel Wordplay
Man who sinks in quicksand will soon reach bottom. – Confucius
Confucius Humor Obviousness Wordplay
A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt
Stronger Than You Think Eleanor Roosevelt Femininity Adversity Humor
The trash took itself out.
Cutting People Off Humor Relief
he best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. - Oscar Wilde
Cutting People Off Humor Moving on Oscar Wilde
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