1562 Best Humor Quotes

I had a bowl of nails for breakfast this morning… without any milk.
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.
SpongeBob Work Humor
Did you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells… smelly.
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
Oh well, I guess I’m not wearing any pants today!
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
Two words: Na. Chos.
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.
Book Humor Love Romance Women Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
What are men to rocks and mountains?
Book Nature Independence Humor Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?
Book Humor Society Irony Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do.
Book Family Marriage Humor Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
Could there be finer symptoms? Is not general incivility the very essence of love?
Book Love Humor Irony Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
I actually don't have a bad hairline.
Donald Trump Humor Vanity
I'm the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters.
Donald Trump Humor Social Media
I wouldn't mind a little bow. In Japan, they bow. I love it. Only thing I love about Japan.
Donald Trump Humor Cultural
A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
Donald Trump Humor Self-Awareness
Every time you walk down the street people are screaming, 'You're fired!
Donald Trump Humor Pop Culture
People assume I'm a boiler ready to explode, but I actually have very low blood pressure.
Donald Trump Humor Personal
I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over.
Donald Trump Humor Personal
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs in your jeans. Get it? Genes?
The Last of Us Humor Ellie
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it’d be a foot! …That’s so dumb.
The Last of Us Humor
I walked into my sister’s room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby trap. Classic.
The Last of Us Humor Ellie
What’s the downside to eating a clock? It’s time-consuming. …Yeah, I’m full of these.
The Last of Us Humor Joel
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? 'Breathe, you idiot!'
Ellie Humor The Last of Us
All training is negotiation—whether you're training dogs or spouses. - Ian Dunbar
Negotiation Humor Ian Dunbar
I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact. - Elon Musk
Elon Musk Ambition Futurism Humor
The most entertaining outcome is the most likely. - Elon Musk
Elon Musk Philosophy Probability Humor
The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. – Mickey Mantle
Golf Humor Rules Fun Mickey Mantle
The older I get, the better I used to be. – Lee Trevino
Golf Aging Humor Lee Trevino
Golf is a game where white balls are more attractive the dirtier they get.
Golf Humor Irony
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
Golf Humor Irony
Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five. – Paul Harvey
Golf Humor Cheating Paul Harvey
Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain
Golf Humor Frustration Mark Twain
Golf is the only sport where a player pays for every mistake. - Tommy Bolt
Golf Consequences Humor Tommy Bolt
The best way to ruin a good walk is to take along a golf club.
Golf Humor Frustration
The first time I played golf, I was so bad I had to cheat to keep from winning.
Golf Humor Beginner
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. - Billy Graham
Golf Humor Religion Billy Graham
Golf is the only game where you can lose your ball and your temper at the same time.
Golf Humor Anger
The golf swing is a series of unfortunate events barely held together by timing.
Golf Technique Humor
Golf is a sport where the ball always lies poorly, and the player always lies well.
Golf Humor Honesty
Golf is the most fun you can have standing up.
Golf Enjoyment Humor
Golf is the only game where you can be up all night and still be fresh in the morning.
Golf Humor Obsession
The best golfers are those who can laugh at their own mistakes.
Golf Humor Perspective
Golf is the only game where you can be in the rough and still have a good lie.
Golf Humor Irony
The golf swing is like a good joke - if you have to explain it, it's not working.
Golf Technique Humor
The best golfers are those who can turn bad shots into good stories.
Golf Humor Perspective
Golf is a game where you can be rich in experience and poor in skill.
Golf Humor Perspective
I’m not saying my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced. – Lee Trevino
Golf Self-deprecation Humor Lee Trevino
My golf game is so bad, I just got a letter from the Humane Society asking me to stop clubbing baby seals.
Golf Humor Beginner Struggles
The only way I can break 90 is if I stop after the 5th hole.
Golf Humor Scoring
I play golf with friends sometimes, but they’re not very good. The last time we played, one of them got a hole in one… on a par 4.
Golf Absurdity Humor
Golf is like taxes: You drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole.
Golf Humor Life Metaphors
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