1562 Best Humor Quotes

A five-letter word for happiness: MONEY.
SpongeBob Life Humor Money
I am mad scientist. It's so coooool! Sonuvabitch. – Rintarou Okabe
Steins Gate identity Humor Science
Always follow your heart, unless your heart is bad with directions.
SpongeBob Life Humor
I know words. I have the best words.
Donald Trump Controversial Humor
Can I be excused for the rest of my life?
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
A girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of.
Book Love Romance Humor Pride and Prejudice Jane Austen
Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.
Donald Trump Controversial Humor
The way I run my business seems to be easier than the way I run my life.
Donald Trump Business Personal Humor
I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact. - Elon Musk
Elon Musk Ambition Futurism Humor
Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. – Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf Fun Enjoyment Humor Chi Chi Rodriguez
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie. – George Deukmejian
Golf Politics Humor George Deukmejian
Golf is the only sport where you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.
Golf Cheating Humor
Golf is the only game where you can spend four hours looking for a ball you didn't want to find.
Golf Humor Irony
Golf is a wonderful game: it takes a lifetime to learn, and just one shot to ruin.
Golf Humor Frustration
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. – Billy Graham
Golf Humor Religion Billy Graham
Golf is the only game where you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five. – Paul Harvey
Golf Cheating Humor Paul Harvey
My golf swing is like a tornado—no control, but a lot of noise and damage.
Golf Humor Bad Technique
The best wood in my bag is the pencil.
Golf Humor Bad Player
I’m not slow on the golf course—I’m just giving the ball time to miss the trees.
Golf Humor Pace of Play
My golf game is like a soap opera: full of drama, bad lies, and occasional miracles.
Golf Humor Storytelling
I don’t play golf to relax. I yell ‘FORE!’ to relax.
Golf Humor
A baby is the perfect example of minority rule - they control everything without saying a word.
Birth Humor Parenthood Family
Stand up. There’s no need to stand up if you’ve fallen. Just lie there and take a nap. – Sakata Gintoki
Gintama Humor Perseverance Laziness
You're not one of those guys who's gonna start talking about his wife and kids, are you? – Batou
Ghost in the Shell Humanity Relationships Humor
We scare because we care. – Roz
Monsters Inc Work purpose Deception Humor
I’m a running joke. Waking up at 4:30 AM to jog 11–23 miles is horrifying. - Ryan Reynolds
Ryan Reynolds Running Humor Relatability
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. - Steven Wright
Fishing Humor Steven Wright
Fishing is the sport of drowning worms.
Fishing Humor
I spent a lot of money on fishing gear. The rest I just wasted.
Fishing Humor
Give a man a fish, and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish, and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend. - Zenna Schaffer
Fishing Humor Zenna Schaffer Fish
Fishing is like dating; it's all catch and release until you find a keeper.
Fishing Humor Dating
Gone fishing, be back at sunset. Or maybe sunrise.
Fishing Relaxation Humor
The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.
SpongeBob Confidence Humor
I’m ugly and I’m proud!
SpongeBob Self-Acceptance Humor
Is mayonnaise an instrument?
SpongeBob Absurdity Humor
The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
SpongeBob Absurdity Humor
I can’t see my forehead!
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli.
SpongeBob Humor Nonsense
I wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/we wumbo.
SpongeBob Absurdity Humor
Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
SpongeBob Absurdity Humor
Stupidity isn’t a virus, but it sure is spreading like one.
SpongeBob Wisdom Humor
You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is… advanced darkness.
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
I was trying to tell you I was choking on snow, but the snow melted and turned into water, and I drank it. Now I’m better.
SpongeBob Absurdity Humor
Being grown up is boring. Besides, I don’t ‘get’ jazz.
SpongeBob Life Humor
It’s just a cruel reminder that I’m single and likely to remain that way forever.
SpongeBob Sadness Humor
I might as well sleep for 100 years or so.
SpongeBob Humor
Gary, I’m absorbing his blows like I’m made of some sort of spongy material.
SpongeBob Friendship Humor
I’m so loyal, I don’t mind sleeping out in the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.
SpongeBob Loyalty Humor
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. How tough are ya?
SpongeBob Humor Absurdity
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