22 Best Step Brothers Quotes

Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.

Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the fuck up!

Brennan Huff: I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Brennan Huff: I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!

Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!

Dr. Robert Doback: You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
Brennan Huff: Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Nancy Huff: Brennan.
Brennan Huff: Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
Nancy Huff: Oh, stop it! Stop it right...
Brennan Huff: Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...
Nancy Huff: Brennan!
Brennan Huff: ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Male Therapist: So, Dale. I don't know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.
Male Therapist: Is this Good Will Hunting?
Dale Doback: No.
Male Therapist: It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
Dale Doback: Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck...

Dale Doback: On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Velociraptor.
Brennan Huff: Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff: If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: John Stamos.
Dale Doback: [stomps foot] What?
Brennan Huff: Did we just become best friends?
Dale Doback: Yep!
[they high five each other]
Brennan Huff: Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
Dale Doback: Yep!

Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

Brennan Huff: Your drumset's a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!
Dale Doback: My drumset's a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker!

Dale Doback: I'm just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
Dr. Robert Doback: Dale, I think it's time for a change. For both of us.
Dale Doback: Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
[brief pause]
Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.

Dale Doback: [as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We're here to fuck shit up!

Brennan Huff: Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale Doback: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.

Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Derek: What?
Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.

Brennan Huff: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy Huff: You dont know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan Huff: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin' that shit up everyday.

Dale Doback: Boats and hoes!

Denise: So, I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.
Brennan Huff: Okay.
Denise: How old were you when they got divorced?
Brennan Huff: Fifteen.
Denise: That's a hard age.
Brennan Huff: Yes. Yeah.
Denise: Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
Brennan Huff: I love you.
Denise: Obviously... you don't know me.
Brennan Huff: I love you so much.
Denise: Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of... comfortability with me.
Brennan Huff: It's more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin' love you.
Denise: Okay, I... think...
Brennan Huff: I'm just thinking about our life together. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
Denise: That is so... off-putting.
Brennan Huff: You're not feeling this?
Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

Dale Doback: Brennan you're alive! Oh my God!
Brennan Huff: I know. I'm alive.
Dale Doback: You were dead. I saw you die.
Brennan Huff: I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.

Dr. Robert Doback: When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur. I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day my dad said, "Bobby, you are 17. It's time to throw childish things aside," and I said, "Okay, Pop." But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job."

Brennan Huff: We put liquid paper on a bee, and it died.

Derek: What do we do now?
Brennan Huff: We could hug.
Derek: Yeah, you'd like that, faggot!... Sorry.