14 Best Brennan Huff Quotes

Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.

Brennan Huff: I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home.

Brennan Huff: I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!

Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!

Dr. Robert Doback: You jagaloons! You're failures! FAILURES!
Brennan Huff: Hey, you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Nancy Huff: Brennan.
Brennan Huff: Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
Nancy Huff: Oh, stop it! Stop it right...
Brennan Huff: Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...
Nancy Huff: Brennan!
Brennan Huff: ...you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Dale Doback: On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Velociraptor.
Brennan Huff: Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff: If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: John Stamos.
Dale Doback: [stomps foot] What?
Brennan Huff: Did we just become best friends?
Dale Doback: Yep!
[they high five each other]
Brennan Huff: Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
Dale Doback: Yep!

Brennan Huff: Your drumset's a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!
Dale Doback: My drumset's a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker!

Brennan Huff: Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale Doback: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.

Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Derek: What?
Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.

Brennan Huff: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy Huff: You dont know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan Huff: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin' that shit up everyday.

Denise: So, I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.
Brennan Huff: Okay.
Denise: How old were you when they got divorced?
Brennan Huff: Fifteen.
Denise: That's a hard age.
Brennan Huff: Yes. Yeah.
Denise: Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
Brennan Huff: I love you.
Denise: Obviously... you don't know me.
Brennan Huff: I love you so much.
Denise: Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of... comfortability with me.
Brennan Huff: It's more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin' love you.
Denise: Okay, I... think...
Brennan Huff: I'm just thinking about our life together. I feel like I'm walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
Denise: That is so... off-putting.
Brennan Huff: You're not feeling this?
Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

Dale Doback: Brennan you're alive! Oh my God!
Brennan Huff: I know. I'm alive.
Dale Doback: You were dead. I saw you die.
Brennan Huff: I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.

Brennan Huff: We put liquid paper on a bee, and it died.