9 Best Dale Doback Quotes

Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: Shut the fuck up!

Male Therapist: So, Dale. I don't know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I'm smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and... I just figure it out.
Male Therapist: Is this Good Will Hunting?
Dale Doback: No.
Male Therapist: It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
Dale Doback: Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck...

Dale Doback: On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it. Just name it. Ready? One, two, three.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Velociraptor.
Brennan Huff: Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff: If you were a chick, who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
Dale Doback, Brennan Huff: John Stamos.
Dale Doback: [stomps foot] What?
Brennan Huff: Did we just become best friends?
Dale Doback: Yep!
[they high five each other]
Brennan Huff: Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
Dale Doback: Yep!

Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

Brennan Huff: Your drumset's a whore! I tea bagged your drumset!
Dale Doback: My drumset's a guy so it makes you gay, you fucker!

Dale Doback: I'm just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
Dr. Robert Doback: Dale, I think it's time for a change. For both of us.
Dale Doback: Dad, we're men. That means a few things - we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
[brief pause]
Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.

Dale Doback: [as they are called back into the office for their first interview] We're here to fuck shit up!

Brennan Huff: Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale Doback: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that's what you mean.

Dale Doback: Boats and hoes!